When The Flame Goes Out

he said, hey you wanna go down there and have a look? well obviously, i said yeah without any second thoughts. down the corridor i heard the wheels rolling towards us, where the elevators were at; and the not-too-far wailing of the family was faint yet persistent.

so we went down. one one-thousand, two one-housand, three one-thousand. i was counting the seconds. was i nervous? no i didn't think so, not at that moment at least. in fact i was excited about what i'm gonna witness. -.- then suddenly a pang of guilt struck me. this is someone's loved one; a few hours ago she's still that someone, but not anymore. and whilst they were devastated and mourning, here i was excited/anxious to see how it looked like??! have i any humanity in me?

so after the procedures, just before they were about to push her into the cold room, it came the time when i get to unzip the bag and take a peek. i had to admit, i was scared. though there was no reason to, i half-expected 'it' to open one eye and wink at me or sit up or open it's eye then scowl at me; or the people around me would scream aloud just to give me a scare for laughs. but. of course none of those happened. i zipped it back nicely and they took her into the cold room.

so. that's how it's like when the death angel blow your flame away. i always imagine our lives as a candle burning. some people are lucky that they get to burn their candles to the very last bit. but it's so indefensible such that it could go out just like that. a gush of wind or even a heavier breath, and you're out.

as i sit here and say a little prayer for 'it', i wonder about afterdeath life. is there any? what's gonna happen after life is sucked out of us? where do we go? is it like what religions claim, that we either go to heaven or hell or the in-between limbo? or is it just that - nothing. pitch black. everything is just as we left the world and we don't go anywhere. once the flame goes out, so does the soul. there's nothing fancy like an after-death life like we'd wanna believe. nope. zilch. naught. nada. that's it.

i don't know. yet as curious as i am about that, i won't dwell too much on it either. i'll find out, soon enough. when it's my time. :) last night, Death brushed past me so lightly yet so real. don't really know what to make out of it all, but i know, at the very superficial PoV, you leave just as the way you come into this world. naked and stinky. and you don't bring anything away with you, no gold, no nothing. the only thing that's left of you is the memories you've created with the people around you, nay? so how much memories have you created at this point of life? are they how you want to be remembered? i'll leave you guys with these questions, and perhaps you'd wanna change some things... while you still can.. :)

good morning everyone!