One-Hundred Tonne

tonight my heart feels like a hundred tonne. tonight it feels like the entire universe is weighing down on it. sifting through the old photos brought me back in time, like Alice (in Wonderland) spiraling down memory lane (or rather, tunnel) that seemed to have no end to it. i saw flashbacks of a number of people who were once so close to me, people i cared a lot for, but whom i don't talk to anymore. sometimes i wonder, why do all this happen, why do friends stop talking to each other over time?! the best answer i could come up with is that life happens. people change, some moved away, some stayed back. everyone moves on. and then of course there are those whom you just can't keep in touch with, no matter how much you wanted to. it was great while it lasted, but fleeting moments, however precious, once over, would just dissipate into thin air. and like two straight lines that crossed paths at one point, would only head towards two opposite directions. further and further away they move, as time passes by, until at some point you realize, there is nothing left save for a few photos, and memories. tons of them. and that's all there is to it. all these memories, all these people, are what filled my heart with this inexplicable heaviness. inexplicable, because they're weightless, yet so heavy. inexplicable because, i don't know what this is. i miss, yet i don't miss; i wanna go back, but i like it here too. deep down inside i know i can't change anything. and so, if i could creep back in time as an invisible shadow, i'd like to give them a hug. a real tight hug, as my way of thanking them for having been part of my life. if i could, i would. but i can't, so i shall wish them well from afar.  tonight though, this heaviness stays.