Malfunction

Usually it's on auto-cruise. But not today. I don't know why. Just can't. Broke down just like that, without any warning, and now it's flashing "Check Engine", signaling that something is wrong.

Can't seem to find an explanation for it. But like a broken dam, the water rushed out with such force, so huge that a person can die ten times standing in front of it. If you don't have the appropriate tools to check the engine, does that mean your only fate is to wait for it to walk out on you?! What choices does one have if there's no repairmen around to help service the engine?

Everything seems to be twirling downhill, ever so slowly. But I don't get it. It's got to reach a peak before anything can go downhill, correct? Did I miss the peak or what? Cuz I see no peak anywhere for as long as I can remember. So maybe this isn't a downhill. Perhaps it's always been on the baseline. One straight line that goes *beeeeeeep* like the ECG machine attached to a dead person's body.

Think too much and you end up at square one. Don't know what to make out of all of those thoughts. Does it matter anyway? We still have to move on, whether you like it or not. Maybe all these entangled hairball of thoughts weren't meant to be disentangled. Maybe I should be more, how should I put it, more submissive I guess. To life.

Auto-cruise huh?! I trust that a lot of people are on that function too. Is it good or bad? I don't know. Who's to say it's good or bad, as long as in the end it takes us to our destination, right?! What I know is that I don't want my engine - my life, if you will - to be on that. I wanna control it, feel it. sigh. Hopefully the 'check engine' alert light would go away soon. I want my engine back, in my own hands, for me to control. Till then, I doubt I'd have a peace of mind...