Deep down inside our hearts, there's this little pool that collects all our sad moments, feelings, emotions and everything lamentable. Basically just unhappy stuff. Whenever we face any moments like this, we tend to shove them away, into this little corner of ours, dismissing them, or avoiding them. Either way, we didn't really forget those emotions. Those episodes. They're there, always. In that pool.
I call it The Reservoir of Grief.
I checked on mine today. Though its not like it has hit the danger level, it's high enough for me to soak in it... indulge myself in it. Sometimes ppl do illogical things like that... eg. self-destructive things that they knew aren't good for them yet do it anyway. I know it probably isn't a good idea to drench myself in there... but I couldn't help it. And I admit I sorta get strange pleasure from it as well. (but i dont think it's strange at all, some of you might relate to it). Pleasures of getting depressed and sad... is just plain sick. I guess I'm sick in some ways then. Dont ask me why, because I have no answers for you. It's the self-destructive button everyone has - mine must've been activated.
So usually I'd just allow myself to indulge in it... but not today. I decided I shouldn't do it today. I just wanna pull the plug, and drown them away. Well it'll come back again.. someday. But for now I didnt wanna spend my time brooding away. A friend made me realise I should do my best in everything I'm doing. Not that I didnt know this before. But it hit me that I really wasnt doing my best at all. And I'm very much ashamed of it.
"Life is a dance". My feet arent synchronized lately. But I figured I just need to find the right dance for myself... choose my own tempo, learn the steps, practise, and just glide away. And if I'm learning a dance I love very much, or grow to love it so much, it really wouldnt be so hard, would it?
So! Reservoir of Grief - It's temporarily out of order. I drown all my sorrows at this very moment, deactivate my self destruction button, and cherish the happy moments, go on with the fast-tempo life, cherish my youth. While it lasts, before my reservoir gets filled again and my button activates itself again...
How's your reservoir doing today, my friends?
5 comments:
meaningful...
i have my reservoir too but guess it has been abandoned for too long that its not easy to resurface on me easily... haha...
i keep myself busy, with work, with friends, with entertainment, with my hobbies, with sports... indulge myself in happiness so that i don have to think about unhappiness and sorrow... or feeling alone.
but i think once in a while when i go into mine, it makes me think a lot, alot about life, friends, what i have done, what i shouldnt have done, it somehow makes me grow, to be more mature, more independent, and more motivated.
But it only happens when i am alone. when i m alone i tend to think a lot. i guess nowadays i don think so much, so i have bcome more stupid day by day! hahaha....
All sorrows and unhappiness arise when we think too much of ourselves.
All happiness and bliss arise when we think of other beings.
Its inevitable. Nothing can change what has begun. The strings of events which leads and sparks by itself will grow stronger and stronger. What doesnt kill you just made you stronger. "God does not play dice" so the greatest man on earth says so. The point to take in is, do you let people decide for you, or do you decide for yourself. Or are you so blinded by others perception of you that you just simply tag along ?
I agree with rocky.
What ever happened, happened and life goes on.
I understand it is not easy to be selfless, but we can learn.
Very interesting to see how different ppl interpret it in different ways. =)
Rocky u're absolutely right. But even when u're thinkin of other beings or helping others, it doesnt bring away the certain sadness in u if u didnt get to its root n eradicate/solve it.of cuz, im talkin bout normal immortals like us who cant help thinkin of ourselves a bit. those who dont at all, are saints. and of cuz they r free from sorrows n unhappiness.
To anonymous,
i dont understand whats the connection btwn what u said and what im trying to say in my post. but thanks for commenting anyway!
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