Weak

if 'saying no' was an art, then i had to be the worst of the worst artists. still can't believe i had zero will power in saying no, only to regret it now, which is pointless. too late. this is not the first time it's happened to me. time and again, i failed to push back whatever force it was (be it people, or circumstances) coming towards me, nudging me to do things i don't really (or really don't) want to do. and for whatever reason, i gave in. urghhhhh i so hate myself right now!! why can't i just say NO???!! i'm good at giving sound advice to friends about this, yet i can't seem to do it when i most need to act on it. feel like giving myself a kick in the ass!

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sure, self-loathing won't do me any good. i know that. but knowing that doesn't make me feel any less shittier. maybe i should ban myself from coffee for a week, as a punishment. or ban myself from any human contact (when not at work). maybe i should come up with a more pragmatic idea to help me say 'no' the next time i don't want to do something. in the meantime though, this rant would suffice. i actually feel a tiny bit better than before i started writing. tomorrow's a brand new week. can't say i'm really looking forward to it. but one's gotta do what one's gotta do. just got to make the best outta it.