Summer Laze

apologies for the inconsistent frequency of my postings.(haha and this must've been the umpteenth time i apologize for the very same reason). i have been shamefully indolent, yes. the thing is, every time a thought occurs to me, it almost always happens at work or when i'm in the shower, which makes it almost impossible to jot it down. by the time i'm equipped with paper and pen or the laptop, i'd have forgotten most of what's invoked my mind. (even if i do remember pieces of it i'd shorten it to 140 characters and put them on twitter or plurk.) because of that, each time the little brain is infused with tiny sparks of thoughts and are not taken care of, they form an interwoven ball of unkempt thoughts, which ultimately led to the frustrating and extremely perplexed state of the owner of the thoughts (aka moi). i have thoughts dated back to beginning of June that i have abandoned. last night i actually contemplated sitting down once and for all, and try my very best to recall as much as possible, then put them down in words. but i realize a lot of those are dark and broody - probably not a good idea to expose my vulnerable self here. so what i'm going to do is to write them down somewhere else, be in another blogosphere, or perhaps my old-fashioned journal (highly unlikely, since there's a possibility that someone might read it if they get their hands on it).

the point is, i have definitely learnt my lesson here (yeah.. took me long enough though). never, never push away the 'voices' in my head because when it gets too crowded up there, and it becomes noises too loud to ignore, i'd only end up confused, befuddled, and utterly lost. it is a never-ending loop, because after brooding over my incapability of sorting out my overloaded consciousness, i would then decide to wipe them all out and pretend everything is back to normal. i'll be fine for a while, but sooner or later the brain will start clogging up with the surges of excitatory peaks again - if i don't deal with them immediately, that is.

i don't even know why i'm explaining myself here. i guess i just want to spell them all out here in my little space, and maybe hold myself accountable for my actions (or inactions) in the future. find it hard to talk to anyone about it, especially people at work. they don't seem to understand what's there to think about other than the usual daily stuff. for them, there is nothing much to life beneath the perfunctory. which is true, in a way. it just so happened that people like me wanted to believe there's more to life than just 'that'. it's purely a matter of choice, really.

so for now, i shall pen off. when i get those dirty little secrets/dark broody (but fuzzy) thoughts sorted out, i might write bout them here. i promise, the next post will be up soon. :)