The Highs and Lows

Didn't quite have the luxury to sit and blog for the past week, because gosh i was so busy i didn't even realize the week flew by. exactly a week ago i had so much energy in me that after a day full of classes from 8am through 8pm back to back, i still had the energy to cook and clean. took a CPR course on friday morning, then had 2 full days of training on both saturday and sunday in the hospital mandatory for the volunteering program i'm doing.

and i was alright all that time, when i was in the midst of busyness. in fact i was elated during the 2 days of training when i actually felt that i'm "back in the game". anticipating the times when i actually get to be involved in health care, you know, actually making myself useful to the community. but the 'high' came too quickly, and went almost as soon as it's come. thank god we had monday off due to Martin Luther King's Birthday. so i spent the whole day working on my personal statement for my internship application. i have more than one app that i need to complete of course, two of which are due next friday. but i'm not even half way done, especially the statements. no matter how hard i try, all i did was staring at the blinking cursor in the word document, my mind as blank as the page itself. was on the verge of tears when i sense the pressing deadlines inching nearer as ever, yet i'm like the goldfish out of fishbowl gasping for air. and so at the end of the long weekend, i felt... jaded.

i begin to question myself, why the heck am i in this. why am i fighting so hard to get into med school. why do i want it so badly, is it even worth it. all the why's in the world that you can possibly think of, i thought of them all. i am tired, and my journey has barely started. i haven't even started fighting and already i'm thinking of quitting.

no of course not. i am not giving up. and i won't. despite all this whining in here, i know very clearly that this is still what i want. and i will still continue fighting my battle. i will get to the end of it. whether or not i achieve my goal of getting into med school, i will see myself through the end of it all. if i couldn't make it, at least i know i did my best.

it was just a bad day. i kept telling myself that, hoping and praying that the next day i'd feel much better. which i did today. thanks to those of you who were there for me, even though it was just a few kind words.