the other day during my ER shift i was observing people when i'm not doing anything. patients come and go all the time; you get to see people from all walks of life, and it never ceases to intrigue me how similar yet still so different we can be from one another. and it suddenly dawned on me that there at so many times in our lives that we just can't stop certain things from happening. like a bullet that was shot, it will fly to that direction and nothing can deter it (well let's omit the complication of putting something in between to change its direction lah ok, am trying to make an analogy here), or.... like a star in the space that is destined to explode when its fuel (atoms) are all used up. yep that's more like it. there's no going back, no combining back the atoms to remake the same exact star, no reverse button to push. nada. it's a one-way street.
and say what you may, think what you want, there's no point being in denial or getting mad, or even trying to understand why it happened the way it did. i started off attempting to describe my thoughts and emotions, but i ended deleting everything. when things start to whirl out of control, and the inertia became its momentum, it will crash loud and hard into whatever that's in the way. that's just how it is. no questions asked. and when it crashes right into your bosom, everything will explode into bits and pieces that will never be intact the same way again. and when its only the debris of what's in your bosom are left, what's there left to say. impossible to put down in words, because sometimes i'm not even sure if i know exactly what had happened. guess this is what they mean by 'crash and burn'.
so i crashed and burned. left a hole in my heart. was thinking if i should use cement to fill it, but decided against it. after all, i still like my heart the way it is rather than one that's cold and hard.
it'll grow back... just gotta give it time.
Friday, May 30, 2008
Tuesday, May 20, 2008
Ophiuchus, Stem Cells, Grand Canyon, & Sedona (Arizona Part 3)
Saturday, April 12, 2008 & Sunday, April 13, 2008
First half of the day was more presentations, including poster presentations. Again, some were really interesting stuff but some were a little below par of what was expected. Did you know that there's the 13th astrological sign called Ophiuchus, also known as Serpentarius? Neither did i. It was said this sign was never included in the Zodiac chart because astrologers said the sun traveled straight from Scorpio to Sagittarius, disregarding the fact that the sun actually traveled to Ophiuchus for 19 days before entering Sagittarius (whatever that means... i don't even know how the zodiac chart came about). So apparently it falls between Nov 30 and Dec 17. (Heyy!! Ain't that date look familiar??? oh yaaa it's my birthday! :P) soooo. i'm an Ophiuchian now? hahah coool. Here are the descriptions of Ophiucian's attributes(source: love-astrology.com):
Well the reason I talked bout it is cuz it was one of the poster presentations. There was this other oral presentation that I didn’t mention in the previous post. This girl was talking about going to Mars and all how fast we can get to Mars as opposed to how fast Superman can. Or something of the like, I can’t really remember. But she gave some really wrong facts to which my professor kept shaking his head at, because he’s an astrophysicist and he was horrified and appalled that an honors student gave a presentation before confirming the validity of her resources. Anyway, of all the data and stats that she gave, I only remember this - she said it takes only 3 days for us to get from Earth to Mars! (by what means, i don't remember. some super lightspeed spaceship maybe) Really?? That’d be a milestone for the humankind if we could do that, and i'd be the fist to sign up when they have the first ever space tour!! If only. Wishful thinking..
stem cells! Oooh the guy who gave the keynote speech is a guy doing stem cell research and who wrote a book too. Christopher something. I can’t recall his name and I don’t have my notebook with me. Will tell you guys in the next few posts – if I remember. But no I wasn’t gonna delve into the topic of stem cells (well I was, at that time of the speech, but now I’m just too lazy to get into it); instead I wanted to show you guys a video clip. Now let me just see how I can post it up.
Yeah! Success! :) managed to put it up. see we get to eat cheesecake before lunch! hehehe. i thought that was coool. with the frozen choc fudge and all that. i took a picture of me trying to drink the fudge, but it was deleted . :( and you heard my friend Gregory - after this we're hitting the road to grand canyon, but before that stopping by a few places! it's gonna be exciting!! :)
If you're wondering, we didn't hike the half-mile trail... cuz some of us were worried we can't get to the grand canyon in time to catch the sunset. we did, in the end, but not without lots of tantrums, swearing... but it's funny, and it definitely is a source of amusement (to me, at least).
anddddd...tah-dah! may i present you the grand canyon!! :) this is my first! yeppp! gave it to the honors college! when mom and dad come, we'll be heading there again! yayyy. :) p.s. the place where we were standing at is called Grandview of Grand Canyon. what a sight!! grand view indeed. ;)
Sedona! its a town some 2 hrs away from Flagstaff, where the conference was at. A cutsie little town there they sell all the touristy stuff - cost a bomb, but hard to resist. so many times i filled my arms with all that i wanted, made it halfway across to the counter only to force myself back and return those items onto their racks, to which i feel is doing them injustice, cuz they should be with me, where they belong... :P but apparently the numbers in my back account don't agree on that. :/ pictures, coming up!
Gregory with his eyes closed, me, Raniel, Natalie, and Eric. :)
Don't know what they are, but i thought they looked colorful. don't they? i likey!
the plates =) aren't they pretteee :) i want one of those tea cups you see at
the very bottom right. and i shall drink hot cocoa from it every winter night.
Sedona has trolley bus! it's called.... Sedona Trolley. aint that something. :P
i wanna get a dog!!! just because in this Three Dogs Bakery they sell
the cutest pastries for dogs, and i wanna buy them for my dog! i know,
it doesn't make any sense, does it! and i'm animaliaphobic!!! go figure..
That's me trying to quench my thirst. god knows how long i stood there
and yet still felt thirsty. geez. puzzles me every time i look at this pic. :PP
That's about it for this trip. We went to Sedona the next day after grand canyon day. Left sedona and took the flight back to Ontario, CA. all in all, a very fun trip, getting to know some friends, teasing each other, weaving some memories etc.
The Three Stoogers. :) my best friends during the trip. fun people.
First half of the day was more presentations, including poster presentations. Again, some were really interesting stuff but some were a little below par of what was expected. Did you know that there's the 13th astrological sign called Ophiuchus, also known as Serpentarius? Neither did i. It was said this sign was never included in the Zodiac chart because astrologers said the sun traveled straight from Scorpio to Sagittarius, disregarding the fact that the sun actually traveled to Ophiuchus for 19 days before entering Sagittarius (whatever that means... i don't even know how the zodiac chart came about). So apparently it falls between Nov 30 and Dec 17. (Heyy!! Ain't that date look familiar??? oh yaaa it's my birthday! :P) soooo. i'm an Ophiuchian now? hahah coool. Here are the descriptions of Ophiucian's attributes(source: love-astrology.com):
- Many people are envious of this subject as he progresses well throughout life. (urghh, yeah bad memories in primary school. :( but at least now i don't think there is anyone out there envious of me?!)
- A seeker of wisdom and knowledge. (yes yes, that's me... but!! the trait of faineance in me must be from some other sign... :/)
- Many people are jealous of this person. (isn't this a repeat of #1..?! who wrote this. questionable source hmmm.)
- Tends to go for the more flamboyant in dress sense, favouring bright colours. (Nonsense! i always wear plain color shirts, always black white or blue. ...... ok lah i admit. i love bright colors too; if only i had a hot bod, i'd wear them. but if you're such a fat pig, why draw attention to yourself by wearing bright colors right. that would be dumb. and i'm not. :P)
- Authority looks upon him well. (uhhh. yet to be proven..)
- Would make a great architect or builder. (uhmm. i can build a home if and when i find my perfect man?! :PPPP hahah doth that count??)
- Number 12 is this person's lucky number. (if i ever go to casino, i'll play roulette with only this number. then i'll let you know if it's true)
- This person will have a big family but leave home at an early age. (wait 10 years from now and i'll tell you if i have a big family :P but the latter part is true though, for me)
Well the reason I talked bout it is cuz it was one of the poster presentations. There was this other oral presentation that I didn’t mention in the previous post. This girl was talking about going to Mars and all how fast we can get to Mars as opposed to how fast Superman can. Or something of the like, I can’t really remember. But she gave some really wrong facts to which my professor kept shaking his head at, because he’s an astrophysicist and he was horrified and appalled that an honors student gave a presentation before confirming the validity of her resources. Anyway, of all the data and stats that she gave, I only remember this - she said it takes only 3 days for us to get from Earth to Mars! (by what means, i don't remember. some super lightspeed spaceship maybe) Really?? That’d be a milestone for the humankind if we could do that, and i'd be the fist to sign up when they have the first ever space tour!! If only. Wishful thinking..
stem cells! Oooh the guy who gave the keynote speech is a guy doing stem cell research and who wrote a book too. Christopher something. I can’t recall his name and I don’t have my notebook with me. Will tell you guys in the next few posts – if I remember. But no I wasn’t gonna delve into the topic of stem cells (well I was, at that time of the speech, but now I’m just too lazy to get into it); instead I wanted to show you guys a video clip. Now let me just see how I can post it up.
Yeah! Success! :) managed to put it up. see we get to eat cheesecake before lunch! hehehe. i thought that was coool. with the frozen choc fudge and all that. i took a picture of me trying to drink the fudge, but it was deleted . :( and you heard my friend Gregory - after this we're hitting the road to grand canyon, but before that stopping by a few places! it's gonna be exciting!! :)
If you're wondering, we didn't hike the half-mile trail... cuz some of us were worried we can't get to the grand canyon in time to catch the sunset. we did, in the end, but not without lots of tantrums, swearing... but it's funny, and it definitely is a source of amusement (to me, at least).
anddddd...tah-dah! may i present you the grand canyon!! :) this is my first! yeppp! gave it to the honors college! when mom and dad come, we'll be heading there again! yayyy. :) p.s. the place where we were standing at is called Grandview of Grand Canyon. what a sight!! grand view indeed. ;)
Sedona! its a town some 2 hrs away from Flagstaff, where the conference was at. A cutsie little town there they sell all the touristy stuff - cost a bomb, but hard to resist. so many times i filled my arms with all that i wanted, made it halfway across to the counter only to force myself back and return those items onto their racks, to which i feel is doing them injustice, cuz they should be with me, where they belong... :P but apparently the numbers in my back account don't agree on that. :/ pictures, coming up!
Gregory with his eyes closed, me, Raniel, Natalie, and Eric. :)
Don't know what they are, but i thought they looked colorful. don't they? i likey!
the plates =) aren't they pretteee :) i want one of those tea cups you see atthe very bottom right. and i shall drink hot cocoa from it every winter night.
Sedona has trolley bus! it's called.... Sedona Trolley. aint that something. :P
i wanna get a dog!!! just because in this Three Dogs Bakery they sellthe cutest pastries for dogs, and i wanna buy them for my dog! i know,
it doesn't make any sense, does it! and i'm animaliaphobic!!! go figure..
That's me trying to quench my thirst. god knows how long i stood thereand yet still felt thirsty. geez. puzzles me every time i look at this pic. :PP
That's about it for this trip. We went to Sedona the next day after grand canyon day. Left sedona and took the flight back to Ontario, CA. all in all, a very fun trip, getting to know some friends, teasing each other, weaving some memories etc.
The Three Stoogers. :) my best friends during the trip. fun people.Monday, May 19, 2008
Toads, Macy's Coffeehouse, and Pizzas (Arizona Part 2)
Friday, April 11, 2008
So... I promised to continue writing about the Arizona trip right. But to be honest, it's been more than a month and I can barely recall the details. :/ But I'll try anyhow. :)
The Western Regional Honors Conference officially began on that day, Roy and his lab mate Cassie presented on their research respectively. Roy's was about toads and their jaw morphology; Cassie's was about snakes and lizards. Interesting stuff, I learnt a lot. But I must say, if it wasn't because they were our Cal Poly people and I should stay to support them, I wouldn't choose to stay there and listen to presentations about toads lizards and snakes. Never a big fan of animals... sorry.
Then came lunchtime, lunch wasn't included so we walked out to grab a quick lunch before heading back to catch the 2nd half of the presentations. Came to this place called Macy's European Coffeehouse, and I immediately fell in love with it!! It's not just because they have a wide selection of coffee, it's the place itself.. so old, so historic, with the wooden tables and chairs, and the people who frequent the place - you can tell they're regulars there, the cutsie decorations there, and most of all a good selection of desserts. ;P what more can one ask for right? Chean would agree with me on this! ;P and Jun too. hehe. And besides, their lunch menu was really health conscious. Healthy sandwiches, pumpkin and minestrone soup, salads - which was what I got since I'm a vegetarian till the end of this month. Being there was kinda like a european experience smacked in the middle of the small small town.
This was what I've got. Café Vienna, a superhealthy salad, and to 'reward' myself for being so healthy, a brownie with some cream frosting. :)))
Those were my fellow honors mates, Natalie and Eric, posing for Pepsi ad. :P
So after lunch, we went back for the rest of the presentations, some of which were really good, but some were terrible. If I'd blogged bout this that day itself, I'd have gone into details about which presentations I enjoyed most, and which ones were horrendous. But I can't remember anything now, obviously, especially with all that had happened lately (will blog about it later). So here goes the pictures taken when we drove around the area, introducing you to of our crew. :)
We were looking for this other park but got lost, and ended up at this dam. That's Viranga in the picture, majoring in aerospace engineering i think, like Eric (from the previous picture).
This is Gregory, majoring in Physics.. I think. Shikes my memory is failing me!! Had a lot of crazy fun at the dam, climbing here and there, walking along the edge of the dam, skipping rocks, and claiming a fish pole left there by some other guy. After that, we went back to Flagstaff for pizzas and some laughs. And some deep conversation about time and space. Honors students wutt... we are nerds. :P That's about it for the day, breakfast was awesome cuz i could have my daily dose of black coffee and some milk for the calcium, and ohmygodddd the banana cake!! oh that cake was heavenly, I haven't had anything that remotely tasted like banana cake since I got here, this was the first! :)) so that's about it for the day. if i can think of more interesting stuff i'll let you guys know! ;)
So... I promised to continue writing about the Arizona trip right. But to be honest, it's been more than a month and I can barely recall the details. :/ But I'll try anyhow. :)
The Western Regional Honors Conference officially began on that day, Roy and his lab mate Cassie presented on their research respectively. Roy's was about toads and their jaw morphology; Cassie's was about snakes and lizards. Interesting stuff, I learnt a lot. But I must say, if it wasn't because they were our Cal Poly people and I should stay to support them, I wouldn't choose to stay there and listen to presentations about toads lizards and snakes. Never a big fan of animals... sorry.
Then came lunchtime, lunch wasn't included so we walked out to grab a quick lunch before heading back to catch the 2nd half of the presentations. Came to this place called Macy's European Coffeehouse, and I immediately fell in love with it!! It's not just because they have a wide selection of coffee, it's the place itself.. so old, so historic, with the wooden tables and chairs, and the people who frequent the place - you can tell they're regulars there, the cutsie decorations there, and most of all a good selection of desserts. ;P what more can one ask for right? Chean would agree with me on this! ;P and Jun too. hehe. And besides, their lunch menu was really health conscious. Healthy sandwiches, pumpkin and minestrone soup, salads - which was what I got since I'm a vegetarian till the end of this month. Being there was kinda like a european experience smacked in the middle of the small small town.
This was what I've got. Café Vienna, a superhealthy salad, and to 'reward' myself for being so healthy, a brownie with some cream frosting. :)))
Those were my fellow honors mates, Natalie and Eric, posing for Pepsi ad. :PSo after lunch, we went back for the rest of the presentations, some of which were really good, but some were terrible. If I'd blogged bout this that day itself, I'd have gone into details about which presentations I enjoyed most, and which ones were horrendous. But I can't remember anything now, obviously, especially with all that had happened lately (will blog about it later). So here goes the pictures taken when we drove around the area, introducing you to of our crew. :)
We were looking for this other park but got lost, and ended up at this dam. That's Viranga in the picture, majoring in aerospace engineering i think, like Eric (from the previous picture).
This is Gregory, majoring in Physics.. I think. Shikes my memory is failing me!! Had a lot of crazy fun at the dam, climbing here and there, walking along the edge of the dam, skipping rocks, and claiming a fish pole left there by some other guy. After that, we went back to Flagstaff for pizzas and some laughs. And some deep conversation about time and space. Honors students wutt... we are nerds. :P That's about it for the day, breakfast was awesome cuz i could have my daily dose of black coffee and some milk for the calcium, and ohmygodddd the banana cake!! oh that cake was heavenly, I haven't had anything that remotely tasted like banana cake since I got here, this was the first! :)) so that's about it for the day. if i can think of more interesting stuff i'll let you guys know! ;)
Sunday, May 18, 2008
On a scale of 1 to 10...
... how would you rate your pain level, 0 being no pain, 10 being the worst pain you've ever endured?
thats one of the questions we have to ask patients when we take their vitals.
i just scalded my right hand with microwaved boiling water and now im using my left hand to type. its painful as hell, you have no idea!!! try it, then u'll know. :P but on second thought, you really shouldn't. unless you're masochist.
and u won't believe this, last week whilst i sprained 2 of my fingers whilst trying to eat a pecan roll. -__-" yepp. go figure. either that pecan roll was hard as a rock or i'm just a clutz.
i wish i were a full time blogger because i have so much to write for the past week yet not enough time to finish my homework. its gonna be another insane few days to follow, until tuesday, before i can get a breather. wish me luck. :)
am finally done with Shakespeare's Titus Andronicus, but now i have an overdued Hamlet assignment to complete, and a presentation to prepare for. and uh. more stuff. but i'll save you the pain. :/ andddd... on a side note, i think doctors and aspiring doctors are mad - they see a wound and go 'oh gosh its so exciting' instead of 'omg that's terrible it must hurt like hell for that person'. to them its always "the grosser it gets the better"!! and i think i'm catching the plague as well. -.-" Happy Sunday peeps! Word of advice for the week: don't scald your hand especially in this scorching hot weather.
thats one of the questions we have to ask patients when we take their vitals.
i just scalded my right hand with microwaved boiling water and now im using my left hand to type. its painful as hell, you have no idea!!! try it, then u'll know. :P but on second thought, you really shouldn't. unless you're masochist.
and u won't believe this, last week whilst i sprained 2 of my fingers whilst trying to eat a pecan roll. -__-" yepp. go figure. either that pecan roll was hard as a rock or i'm just a clutz.
i wish i were a full time blogger because i have so much to write for the past week yet not enough time to finish my homework. its gonna be another insane few days to follow, until tuesday, before i can get a breather. wish me luck. :)
am finally done with Shakespeare's Titus Andronicus, but now i have an overdued Hamlet assignment to complete, and a presentation to prepare for. and uh. more stuff. but i'll save you the pain. :/ andddd... on a side note, i think doctors and aspiring doctors are mad - they see a wound and go 'oh gosh its so exciting' instead of 'omg that's terrible it must hurt like hell for that person'. to them its always "the grosser it gets the better"!! and i think i'm catching the plague as well. -.-" Happy Sunday peeps! Word of advice for the week: don't scald your hand especially in this scorching hot weather.
Saturday, May 10, 2008
Frisked, Einstein Bros Bagels, & The Inn (Arizona Part 1)
So.. this post came exactly a month late. But nonetheless, better late than never eh. :) Here goes.
Thursday, April 10, 2008
Through the blinds the morning light shone in, another new day arrived tricking us to believe it's a new beginning. :) But that day I gladly let myself be fooled as it was the day I'd been anticipating for weeks - the day we were to embark on our 4 days 3 nights short trip to Flagstaff, Arizona for the Western Regional Honors Conference. Finally! I had to suppress my excitement & control myself from grabbing everyone I see telling them I'll be off in a couple of hours to this place I have yet to explore. It'd be quite insensitive if I did that, rubbing it in others' face as if to say, "i get to go, and you dont, suckahs!!" Now that wouldn't be pleasant, would it?!
Now I told myself this time I'll be taking lots of pictures, making little notes about cute little details for the whole trip, which I did. But!!! Here's the unfortunate part: the 10-15 pictures I took with Chean's camera were deleted... due to some miscalculations. :((((( They were pretty pictures of many pretty things, too bad they were all gone.. you'll just have to use your imagination as I described them. (p.s. Chean do you secretly or subconsciously hate me that's why you deleted them huhhh... :(( heeee, nah jk. :P)
So here we go, briefly: met up at the airport at around 10.30am. Checked in. Raniel forgot to bring his current ID and had with him only an out-dated one, and for that he was frisked. It became a joke (that he secretly enjoyed being frisked) throughout the 4 days hah. XD and then we had lunch at Einstein Bros Bagels, which was really quite good. (and yeah okay I won't deny that the interior design of EBB's little corner played a big part of me judging their food) I was on a vegetarian diet so I didn't get to try the one with salmon slices, but it looked really good!! No matter, I'll get it in the future... because me plans to travel more often in the future heheheh *evil grin*! :)
Got there, and guess where we were staying for the 3 nights? The Inn! *duhhh* I thought it was very unimaginative for them to come up with that name, because it's already pretty obvious right. But then again I thought of The Chicken Rice Shop in Malaysia (no brownie points for you if you guessed right what they sell) and how I made a big fuss bout how stupid it is to name something so unauthentic; it irked me so much that I vowed I'll name my adopted fish I catch in the Artic (if I ever go there) "The Fish"! I know, I'm a wee bit crazy right. But then I thought, perhaps this is the effect they were looking for: to make it sound so dumb it inevitably catches people's attention. And boy did it do an excellent job! :P So now it doesn't irk me as much as it does amuse me. And yes - I'll definitely be naming my Artic fish "The Fish". Stop me if you can. :P
Anyways. The picture below is the only one I had of us at Einstein Bros Bagels. See me busy taking pictures of the coffee portraits? They captivated me so much I just couldn't help but clicking away at them, planning to use them as my wallpaper. But nooooo... fate had it that they'll all be deleted before they got to me. hmmph. :'( The big head right there is Raniel who got frisked. :)
That evening we had Thai food at this restaurant called Dara Thai. It was sooo spicy I couldn't feel my tongue after my pot (yes - pot! not bowl! go figure.. americans and their humungous portion) of vegetarian glass noodles. But that's the way I love it..!! hehehe. :) Righto. I'll continue Part 2 tomorrow. Will talk about our 2nd day there. :)
Thursday, April 10, 2008
Through the blinds the morning light shone in, another new day arrived tricking us to believe it's a new beginning. :) But that day I gladly let myself be fooled as it was the day I'd been anticipating for weeks - the day we were to embark on our 4 days 3 nights short trip to Flagstaff, Arizona for the Western Regional Honors Conference. Finally! I had to suppress my excitement & control myself from grabbing everyone I see telling them I'll be off in a couple of hours to this place I have yet to explore. It'd be quite insensitive if I did that, rubbing it in others' face as if to say, "i get to go, and you dont, suckahs!!" Now that wouldn't be pleasant, would it?!
Now I told myself this time I'll be taking lots of pictures, making little notes about cute little details for the whole trip, which I did. But!!! Here's the unfortunate part: the 10-15 pictures I took with Chean's camera were deleted... due to some miscalculations. :((((( They were pretty pictures of many pretty things, too bad they were all gone.. you'll just have to use your imagination as I described them. (p.s. Chean do you secretly or subconsciously hate me that's why you deleted them huhhh... :(( heeee, nah jk. :P)
So here we go, briefly: met up at the airport at around 10.30am. Checked in. Raniel forgot to bring his current ID and had with him only an out-dated one, and for that he was frisked. It became a joke (that he secretly enjoyed being frisked) throughout the 4 days hah. XD and then we had lunch at Einstein Bros Bagels, which was really quite good. (and yeah okay I won't deny that the interior design of EBB's little corner played a big part of me judging their food) I was on a vegetarian diet so I didn't get to try the one with salmon slices, but it looked really good!! No matter, I'll get it in the future... because me plans to travel more often in the future heheheh *evil grin*! :)
Got there, and guess where we were staying for the 3 nights? The Inn! *duhhh* I thought it was very unimaginative for them to come up with that name, because it's already pretty obvious right. But then again I thought of The Chicken Rice Shop in Malaysia (no brownie points for you if you guessed right what they sell) and how I made a big fuss bout how stupid it is to name something so unauthentic; it irked me so much that I vowed I'll name my adopted fish I catch in the Artic (if I ever go there) "The Fish"! I know, I'm a wee bit crazy right. But then I thought, perhaps this is the effect they were looking for: to make it sound so dumb it inevitably catches people's attention. And boy did it do an excellent job! :P So now it doesn't irk me as much as it does amuse me. And yes - I'll definitely be naming my Artic fish "The Fish". Stop me if you can. :P
Anyways. The picture below is the only one I had of us at Einstein Bros Bagels. See me busy taking pictures of the coffee portraits? They captivated me so much I just couldn't help but clicking away at them, planning to use them as my wallpaper. But nooooo... fate had it that they'll all be deleted before they got to me. hmmph. :'( The big head right there is Raniel who got frisked. :)
That evening we had Thai food at this restaurant called Dara Thai. It was sooo spicy I couldn't feel my tongue after my pot (yes - pot! not bowl! go figure.. americans and their humungous portion) of vegetarian glass noodles. But that's the way I love it..!! hehehe. :) Righto. I'll continue Part 2 tomorrow. Will talk about our 2nd day there. :)
Tears That Blurred My Vision
i woke up this morning telling a lie.
what made me think i'll start the day on a happy note, i do not know. but as usual, i wake up and start my day with my morning ritual - checking emails (yes, before even washing up :/). and there it was. a mail from a relative that linked me to this blog. see i believe what you did will come back and haunt you, on way or another. i told a lie this morning, and though it had no direct connection to the blog that made me feel the way i do right now, i couldn't help but think: it's karma. :(
reality never felt any more real that it did today, right now, at this instance; and i couldn't stop the two streams of salty teardrops gravitating towards earth. drop by drop, it hit the keyboard with a steady rhythm. distance has dampened whatever emotion that i would've felt if i were there; it sucked away my ability to conceive reality. but on this gloomy morning, it's like a slap on my face, a push of my head under the water until i lost my breath, until i had a glimpse of near-death. it finally hit me. the loss of someone i've loved deeply. the concept of being gone, *pooof* disappear, like magic (in this case black magic :/), and never coming back, never to be seen again the next time i step into her house (god knows when that is). but most of all, i felt the pain of a mother (and father too of course) having to send her child away, and go through all of this. and even more so, knowing that what i felt wasn't half as close as what her parents felt.
if you read the blog dedicated to her, you'll get the gist of how many lives she's touched. the regret that everyone felt of her leaving this existence is not so much because she's a loss to the medical world or that she's suffered so much it wasn't fair (what's fair in this world anyways), as it was that she'll never be able to continue touching people's lives if she'd still lived on. she was always the kind one, the loving one, the one who gave and never demanded anything in return; always ahead of us in terms of integrity, and alas, in death too.
but despite all, to me she's a living legacy. even in death she lives too. she lives in three other persons whose lives were spared because of her, and she lives in each and everyone of us who's had the honor to be part of her life. frozen in our timeless memories. she'll always be on our mind. how other people dealt with her passing away, i don't know. but i vow not to just mope around and be sad; i won't tell myself there's nothing i could do anyway, nor would i surrender to life's destiny and succumb to the helplessness in the midst of it all. because i believe there's something each of us could do, just by touching others' lives just as how she did ours...
ahh well. it felt good to cry. emotional purge. a good stress relief too, i needed it especially of late. and i miss home and all my relatives. on a side note, i felt like calling my uncle who's an astro-palmist, did he see it coming? her leaving at such a young age? because if he did, it would be quite a torture to know and not tell.
today's mood: gloomy
i wished i didn't have to go to the ER today. :(
what made me think i'll start the day on a happy note, i do not know. but as usual, i wake up and start my day with my morning ritual - checking emails (yes, before even washing up :/). and there it was. a mail from a relative that linked me to this blog. see i believe what you did will come back and haunt you, on way or another. i told a lie this morning, and though it had no direct connection to the blog that made me feel the way i do right now, i couldn't help but think: it's karma. :(
reality never felt any more real that it did today, right now, at this instance; and i couldn't stop the two streams of salty teardrops gravitating towards earth. drop by drop, it hit the keyboard with a steady rhythm. distance has dampened whatever emotion that i would've felt if i were there; it sucked away my ability to conceive reality. but on this gloomy morning, it's like a slap on my face, a push of my head under the water until i lost my breath, until i had a glimpse of near-death. it finally hit me. the loss of someone i've loved deeply. the concept of being gone, *pooof* disappear, like magic (in this case black magic :/), and never coming back, never to be seen again the next time i step into her house (god knows when that is). but most of all, i felt the pain of a mother (and father too of course) having to send her child away, and go through all of this. and even more so, knowing that what i felt wasn't half as close as what her parents felt.
if you read the blog dedicated to her, you'll get the gist of how many lives she's touched. the regret that everyone felt of her leaving this existence is not so much because she's a loss to the medical world or that she's suffered so much it wasn't fair (what's fair in this world anyways), as it was that she'll never be able to continue touching people's lives if she'd still lived on. she was always the kind one, the loving one, the one who gave and never demanded anything in return; always ahead of us in terms of integrity, and alas, in death too.
but despite all, to me she's a living legacy. even in death she lives too. she lives in three other persons whose lives were spared because of her, and she lives in each and everyone of us who's had the honor to be part of her life. frozen in our timeless memories. she'll always be on our mind. how other people dealt with her passing away, i don't know. but i vow not to just mope around and be sad; i won't tell myself there's nothing i could do anyway, nor would i surrender to life's destiny and succumb to the helplessness in the midst of it all. because i believe there's something each of us could do, just by touching others' lives just as how she did ours...
ahh well. it felt good to cry. emotional purge. a good stress relief too, i needed it especially of late. and i miss home and all my relatives. on a side note, i felt like calling my uncle who's an astro-palmist, did he see it coming? her leaving at such a young age? because if he did, it would be quite a torture to know and not tell.
today's mood: gloomy
i wished i didn't have to go to the ER today. :(
Friday, May 09, 2008
In his own twisted, depraved, chilling words...
I'm contemplating. Should I copy and paste the article I just read - about the psycho Fritzl - or should I just summarize and write about my two pence. I'd have done the latter, but I have enough literature dissection and plot analysis to do that will last me for a good few days, so I guess I'll copy and paste the article here. If I have time, I'll write bout my thoughts later on. But right now, here's something I wanna share.
Josef Fritzl: In his own twisted, depraved, chilling words
by Allan Hall in Berlin
Published date: May 9, 2008 [link to the original article]
The 73-year-old, who authorised his lawyer to give his side of the story to the Austrian magazine News, will today be arraigned before magistrates – the first step in a legal process that will determine whether he goes to jail or a psychiatric hospital for the rest of his life.
But if the interview was an attempt to win sympathy for Fritzl – he is known as "Satan" among the other inmates of the remand jail where he is being held – then he has deeply deluded himself.
Despite claims from neighbours in Amstetten that he was a brutal tyrant at home, he told his lawyer, Rudolf Mayer: "I always put a lot of value on good behaviour and respect, I admit that. The reason for this is I belong to an old school of thinking that just does not exist today.
"I grew up in the Nazi times, and that meant the need to be controlled and respect authority. Yet, despite that, I am not the monster that I am portrayed as in the media."
Asked how he would describe someone who kidnapped his own daughter, locked her in a cellar for 24 years and subjected her to a brutal regime and repeated rape, he said: "On the face of it, probably as a monster."
He disagrees with his daughter that he had assaulted her as a child, saying: "That is not true. I am not a man that has sex with little children. I only had sex with her later, much later. It was when she was in the cellar by then, when she had been in the cellar for a long time."
Asked if much planning had gone into the crime, he said: "Two, three years beforehand, that is true. I guess it must have been around 1981 or 1982 when I began to build a room in my cellar as the cell for her. I got a really heavy concrete and steel door, that worked with an electric motor and a remote control that I used to get into the cellar. It needed a number code to open and close. I then plastered the walls, added something to wash in and a small toilet, a bed and a cooking ring, as well as the fridge, electricity and lights.
"Perhaps some people did notice what I was doing, but they really did not care. Why should they? The cellar of my house, at the end of the day, is my house. It belongs to me, it is my kingdom – only I can enter."
Explaining how he came to imprison his daughter, he said: "Ever since she entered puberty, Elisabeth stopped doing what she was told. She just did not follow any of my rules any more. She would go out all night in local bars and come back stinking of alcohol and smoke.
"She even ran away twice and hung around with persons of questionable moral standards, who were certainly not a good influence on her. I always had to bring her home, but she always ran away again. That is why I had to arrange a place where I gave her the chance – by force – to keep away from the bad influences of the outside world."
On the 28 August, 1984, he locked her in the cellar. Her indescribable pain, suffering, humiliation and degradation would last 8,516 days.
Fritzl denies handcuffing Elisabeth and keeping her on a lead in the early days of her incarceration. "That was not necessary; my daughter had no chance to get away anyway." On that much, at least, they agree: Elisabeth has said she screamed and banged on the walls, but nobody came. Gradually, she had to accept nobody other than him could help.
On her father's orders, she wrote letters to her family, telling them of a new life and saying she had no desire to return. She asked them not to look for her. Her mother, her siblings and officials believed the letters, and the search for missing Elisabeth was wound down. The master of the cellar knew he was safe.
"I guess after the kidnap I got myself in a vicious circle, a vicious circle not just for Elisabeth but also for me from which there was no way out," he said.
"With every week that I kept my daughter prisoner, my situation just got more crazy, and, really, it is true, I often thought of whether I should let her out or not. But I just was not capable of making a decision, even though, and probably because, I knew that every day that passed made my crime that much worse.
"My desire to have sex with Elisabeth also got much stronger as time went by. We first had sex in spring 1985. I could not control myself any more."
Every two or three days, he went into the cellar to take her food, clothes and blankets and tell her of his life outside, his work with property and of her mother, who was so sad about the daughter that had run away.
He told her how the garden was going, about films on the television and trips he had made, and how well her brothers and sisters were doing in school.
She became pregnant for the first time in 1988. "Elisabeth was, of course, very worried about the future, but I bought her medical books in the cellar, so that she would know when the day came what she had to do, and I arranged towels and disinfectants and nappies."
In 1988, Elisabeth gave birth to Kirsten alone in the cellar; in 1990, again alone and unaided, Stefan was born.
Fritzl said: "I was delighted about the children. It was great for me to have a second proper family in the cellar, with a wife and a few children."
Asked what would have happened if he had been killed in a car accident, he said: "I prepared well in this eventuality. Every time I left the bunker, I switched on a timer that would definitely have opened the door to the cellar after a set time. If I had died, Elisabeth and the children would have been free."
In 1992, Lisa was born, and she screamed so much and was so ill so often that Fritzl arranged for her to be released into the outside world. On 18 May, 1993, Elisabeth wrote a letter to introduce Lisa to her family, and Fritzl produced the little girl upstairs, saying she had been left on the doorstep. He said: "Elisabeth and I planned everything together, because we both knew that Lisa, because of her poor health condition and the circumstances in the cellar, had no chance to live had she remained there."
Fritzl used the same ploy with Monica, born in 1994, and Alexander, in 1996. He said there were "complications" caused by their arrival that he did not want to deal with – and, in any case, they would be safe upstairs with his wife, Rosemarie, "the best mother in the world".
Fritzl confirmed that an unknown side-effect of the children was that, with every new baby, he gained more control over his daughter. Her own life had no longer become important to her, but she had every reason to do everything he wanted, for the sake of her children.
He said: "I tried really as hard as possible to look after my family in the cellar. When I went there, I bought my daughter flowers and the children books and cuddly toys. I used to watch videos and adventure stories with them, while Elisabeth used to cook for me and the children. We used to sit at the table with each other. We celebrated birthdays and Christmas in the cellar – I even took a Christmas tree secretly into the cellar, and cakes and presents."
Despite his surface affections, Fritzl admits the cellar environment impacted badly on the health of his incest brood.
The emotional stress of being locked up – even though they did not know they were locked up – the poor-quality air in the badly ventilated cellar and the mould on the walls affected all three children.
They suffered from infections including flu, coughing fits and heart and circulation problems. There were also epileptic attacks. He brought medicine, but none of it was prescription medicine – they were all things he could get over the counter of an ordinary chemist's without any questions being asked. The most common "cure-all" was aspirin, but it did not help – the children had inherited from their grandmother an allergy to it. Felix and Kirsten seemed to suffer most, the little boy shaking for hours all over his body and the girl sometimes screaming uncontrollably.
In January this year, Elisabeth finally arranged with her father to act as the fits worsened, and she wrote the letter to the hospital that started the final trip to freedom.
Asked if he wanted finally to release them, he said: "I wanted to free Elisabeth, Kirsten, Stefan and Felix and to bring them back home. That was my next step.
"The reason is that I was getting older, I was finding it harder to move and I knew that in the future I would no longer be able to care for my second family in the cellar. The plan was that Elisabeth and the children would explain that they were kept by a sect in a secret place."
Did he think this was realistic – would they not betray him? He said: "That was my hope, however unbelievable at that time. Despite that, there was always the risk that Elisabeth and the children would betray me. That did happen rather sooner than I expected, as the problem with Kirsten escalated."
He denied having threatened the children with gas if they tried to escape, but admitted: "I am sorry to say I did tell them that they would never get past the door because they would be electrocuted and they would die."
Asked if he wanted to die, he said: "No. I only want one thing now – to pay for what I did."
'Fairytale' world on tv
JOSEF Fritzl told how he extended the bunker into another two rooms in 1993. He put in a television and radio, as well as a video recorder, table, chairs, carpets, cupboards, plates, tables and pots. He also bought more kitchen utensils and coloured pictures to put on the wall.
He said: "After the birth of Felix at the end of 2002, I even gave Elisabeth a washing machine as a present so she did not have to wash her own clothes and that of the children by hand.
"I always knew over 24 years what I did was not correct, and that I must be mad to do something like this. Yet despite that, at the same time, it just became a matter of course that I lived my second life in the cellar."
Upstairs, the three children he had with Elisabeth called him daddy, even though they knew he was their grandfather, whereas downstairs his three children used to call him grandfather, as their mother never told them anything different.
She taught her children, showing them how to write and read using books Fritzl provided. She cared for them even when she was ill, reading fairy stories of princesses and knights but saying the cellar world they lived in was the only reality and that the fairy stories she read, like the pictures on the TV, were just a fantasy.
And she never spoke to her children about how much she was suffering.
Interview reveals an only child whose best friend was his mother
THE interview reveals Fritzl's mother-fixation, every bit as strong as that which gripped Norman Bates, the fictional motel-keeping killer from Alfred Hitchcock's murder thriller Psycho.
"I come from a small family and grew up in a tiny flat in Amstetten," he said. "My father was somebody who was a waster. He never took responsibility and was just a loser that always cheated on my mother.
"When I was four she quite rightly threw him out the house.
"After that my mother and I had no contact with this man; he did not interest us. Suddenly there was only us two.
"My mother was a strong woman; she taught me discipline and control and the values of hard work. She sent me to a good school so that I could learn a good trade and she worked really hard and took a very difficult job to keep our heads above water.
"When I say she was hard on me, she was only as hard as was necessary. She was the best woman in the world. I suppose you could describe me as her man, sort of. She was the boss at home and I was the only man in the house.
"It's complete rubbish to say my mother sexually abused me. My mother was respectable, extremely respectable. I loved her over across all boundaries. I was in awe of her. Completely and totally in awe.
"That did not mean there was anything else between us, though. There never was and there never would have been."
Asked by his lawyer if he had ever fantasised about a relationship with his mother, he pauses in the dialogue and thinks for a long time for answering.
"Yes, probably. But I was a very strong man, probably as strong as my mother, and as a result I was capable to keep my desires under control.
"I became older and that meant that when I went outside I managed to meet other women. I had affairs with a few girls and then a short while later I met Rosemarie."
Asked if his wife, Rosemarie, had anything in common with his mother, he said: "Absolutely nothing. She had nothing in common with my mother – well, perhaps there were a few similarities.
"I mean Rosemarie was also a wonderful woman, is a wonderful woman. She is just a lot more shy and weaker than my mother.
"I chose her because I had a strong desire then to have lots of children. I wanted children that did not grow up like me as single children. I wanted children that always had someone else at their side to play with and to support."
"The dream of a big family was with me from when I was very, very small. And Rosemarie seemed to be the perfect mother to realise that dream. But it is also true to say that I loved her and I still love her."
Asked how it happened that in 1967, after having four children with his wife whom he loved, he had then betrayed her by climbing into a flat and raping a young nurse, he said: "I do not know what drove me to do that."
After 18 months in jail he went back to his wife and had three other children with her. He said: "It's really true I do not know why I did it. I always wanted to be a good husband and a good father."
Josef Fritzl: In his own twisted, depraved, chilling words
by Allan Hall in Berlin
Published date: May 9, 2008 [link to the original article]
Man who had seven children with captive daughter speaks out. THE twisted mind of Josef Fritzl has been laid bare in a prison interview in which he defends the 24-year imprisonment and rape of his daughter Elisabeth.
Fritzl maintains he acted out of love in imprisoning Elisabeth when she was 18 and keeping her in his cellar dungeon, where she was tortured and raped, giving birth to seven children.
Fritzl maintains he acted out of love in imprisoning Elisabeth when she was 18 and keeping her in his cellar dungeon, where she was tortured and raped, giving birth to seven children.
The 73-year-old, who authorised his lawyer to give his side of the story to the Austrian magazine News, will today be arraigned before magistrates – the first step in a legal process that will determine whether he goes to jail or a psychiatric hospital for the rest of his life.
But if the interview was an attempt to win sympathy for Fritzl – he is known as "Satan" among the other inmates of the remand jail where he is being held – then he has deeply deluded himself.
Despite claims from neighbours in Amstetten that he was a brutal tyrant at home, he told his lawyer, Rudolf Mayer: "I always put a lot of value on good behaviour and respect, I admit that. The reason for this is I belong to an old school of thinking that just does not exist today.
"I grew up in the Nazi times, and that meant the need to be controlled and respect authority. Yet, despite that, I am not the monster that I am portrayed as in the media."
Asked how he would describe someone who kidnapped his own daughter, locked her in a cellar for 24 years and subjected her to a brutal regime and repeated rape, he said: "On the face of it, probably as a monster."
He disagrees with his daughter that he had assaulted her as a child, saying: "That is not true. I am not a man that has sex with little children. I only had sex with her later, much later. It was when she was in the cellar by then, when she had been in the cellar for a long time."
Asked if much planning had gone into the crime, he said: "Two, three years beforehand, that is true. I guess it must have been around 1981 or 1982 when I began to build a room in my cellar as the cell for her. I got a really heavy concrete and steel door, that worked with an electric motor and a remote control that I used to get into the cellar. It needed a number code to open and close. I then plastered the walls, added something to wash in and a small toilet, a bed and a cooking ring, as well as the fridge, electricity and lights.
"Perhaps some people did notice what I was doing, but they really did not care. Why should they? The cellar of my house, at the end of the day, is my house. It belongs to me, it is my kingdom – only I can enter."
Explaining how he came to imprison his daughter, he said: "Ever since she entered puberty, Elisabeth stopped doing what she was told. She just did not follow any of my rules any more. She would go out all night in local bars and come back stinking of alcohol and smoke.
"She even ran away twice and hung around with persons of questionable moral standards, who were certainly not a good influence on her. I always had to bring her home, but she always ran away again. That is why I had to arrange a place where I gave her the chance – by force – to keep away from the bad influences of the outside world."
On the 28 August, 1984, he locked her in the cellar. Her indescribable pain, suffering, humiliation and degradation would last 8,516 days.
Fritzl denies handcuffing Elisabeth and keeping her on a lead in the early days of her incarceration. "That was not necessary; my daughter had no chance to get away anyway." On that much, at least, they agree: Elisabeth has said she screamed and banged on the walls, but nobody came. Gradually, she had to accept nobody other than him could help.
On her father's orders, she wrote letters to her family, telling them of a new life and saying she had no desire to return. She asked them not to look for her. Her mother, her siblings and officials believed the letters, and the search for missing Elisabeth was wound down. The master of the cellar knew he was safe.
"I guess after the kidnap I got myself in a vicious circle, a vicious circle not just for Elisabeth but also for me from which there was no way out," he said.
"With every week that I kept my daughter prisoner, my situation just got more crazy, and, really, it is true, I often thought of whether I should let her out or not. But I just was not capable of making a decision, even though, and probably because, I knew that every day that passed made my crime that much worse.
"My desire to have sex with Elisabeth also got much stronger as time went by. We first had sex in spring 1985. I could not control myself any more."
Every two or three days, he went into the cellar to take her food, clothes and blankets and tell her of his life outside, his work with property and of her mother, who was so sad about the daughter that had run away.
He told her how the garden was going, about films on the television and trips he had made, and how well her brothers and sisters were doing in school.
She became pregnant for the first time in 1988. "Elisabeth was, of course, very worried about the future, but I bought her medical books in the cellar, so that she would know when the day came what she had to do, and I arranged towels and disinfectants and nappies."
In 1988, Elisabeth gave birth to Kirsten alone in the cellar; in 1990, again alone and unaided, Stefan was born.
Fritzl said: "I was delighted about the children. It was great for me to have a second proper family in the cellar, with a wife and a few children."
Asked what would have happened if he had been killed in a car accident, he said: "I prepared well in this eventuality. Every time I left the bunker, I switched on a timer that would definitely have opened the door to the cellar after a set time. If I had died, Elisabeth and the children would have been free."
In 1992, Lisa was born, and she screamed so much and was so ill so often that Fritzl arranged for her to be released into the outside world. On 18 May, 1993, Elisabeth wrote a letter to introduce Lisa to her family, and Fritzl produced the little girl upstairs, saying she had been left on the doorstep. He said: "Elisabeth and I planned everything together, because we both knew that Lisa, because of her poor health condition and the circumstances in the cellar, had no chance to live had she remained there."
Fritzl used the same ploy with Monica, born in 1994, and Alexander, in 1996. He said there were "complications" caused by their arrival that he did not want to deal with – and, in any case, they would be safe upstairs with his wife, Rosemarie, "the best mother in the world".
Fritzl confirmed that an unknown side-effect of the children was that, with every new baby, he gained more control over his daughter. Her own life had no longer become important to her, but she had every reason to do everything he wanted, for the sake of her children.
He said: "I tried really as hard as possible to look after my family in the cellar. When I went there, I bought my daughter flowers and the children books and cuddly toys. I used to watch videos and adventure stories with them, while Elisabeth used to cook for me and the children. We used to sit at the table with each other. We celebrated birthdays and Christmas in the cellar – I even took a Christmas tree secretly into the cellar, and cakes and presents."
Despite his surface affections, Fritzl admits the cellar environment impacted badly on the health of his incest brood.
The emotional stress of being locked up – even though they did not know they were locked up – the poor-quality air in the badly ventilated cellar and the mould on the walls affected all three children.
They suffered from infections including flu, coughing fits and heart and circulation problems. There were also epileptic attacks. He brought medicine, but none of it was prescription medicine – they were all things he could get over the counter of an ordinary chemist's without any questions being asked. The most common "cure-all" was aspirin, but it did not help – the children had inherited from their grandmother an allergy to it. Felix and Kirsten seemed to suffer most, the little boy shaking for hours all over his body and the girl sometimes screaming uncontrollably.
In January this year, Elisabeth finally arranged with her father to act as the fits worsened, and she wrote the letter to the hospital that started the final trip to freedom.
Asked if he wanted finally to release them, he said: "I wanted to free Elisabeth, Kirsten, Stefan and Felix and to bring them back home. That was my next step.
"The reason is that I was getting older, I was finding it harder to move and I knew that in the future I would no longer be able to care for my second family in the cellar. The plan was that Elisabeth and the children would explain that they were kept by a sect in a secret place."
Did he think this was realistic – would they not betray him? He said: "That was my hope, however unbelievable at that time. Despite that, there was always the risk that Elisabeth and the children would betray me. That did happen rather sooner than I expected, as the problem with Kirsten escalated."
He denied having threatened the children with gas if they tried to escape, but admitted: "I am sorry to say I did tell them that they would never get past the door because they would be electrocuted and they would die."
Asked if he wanted to die, he said: "No. I only want one thing now – to pay for what I did."
'Fairytale' world on tv
JOSEF Fritzl told how he extended the bunker into another two rooms in 1993. He put in a television and radio, as well as a video recorder, table, chairs, carpets, cupboards, plates, tables and pots. He also bought more kitchen utensils and coloured pictures to put on the wall.
He said: "After the birth of Felix at the end of 2002, I even gave Elisabeth a washing machine as a present so she did not have to wash her own clothes and that of the children by hand.
"I always knew over 24 years what I did was not correct, and that I must be mad to do something like this. Yet despite that, at the same time, it just became a matter of course that I lived my second life in the cellar."
Upstairs, the three children he had with Elisabeth called him daddy, even though they knew he was their grandfather, whereas downstairs his three children used to call him grandfather, as their mother never told them anything different.
She taught her children, showing them how to write and read using books Fritzl provided. She cared for them even when she was ill, reading fairy stories of princesses and knights but saying the cellar world they lived in was the only reality and that the fairy stories she read, like the pictures on the TV, were just a fantasy.
And she never spoke to her children about how much she was suffering.
Interview reveals an only child whose best friend was his mother
THE interview reveals Fritzl's mother-fixation, every bit as strong as that which gripped Norman Bates, the fictional motel-keeping killer from Alfred Hitchcock's murder thriller Psycho.
"I come from a small family and grew up in a tiny flat in Amstetten," he said. "My father was somebody who was a waster. He never took responsibility and was just a loser that always cheated on my mother.
"When I was four she quite rightly threw him out the house.
"After that my mother and I had no contact with this man; he did not interest us. Suddenly there was only us two.
"My mother was a strong woman; she taught me discipline and control and the values of hard work. She sent me to a good school so that I could learn a good trade and she worked really hard and took a very difficult job to keep our heads above water.
"When I say she was hard on me, she was only as hard as was necessary. She was the best woman in the world. I suppose you could describe me as her man, sort of. She was the boss at home and I was the only man in the house.
"It's complete rubbish to say my mother sexually abused me. My mother was respectable, extremely respectable. I loved her over across all boundaries. I was in awe of her. Completely and totally in awe.
"That did not mean there was anything else between us, though. There never was and there never would have been."
Asked by his lawyer if he had ever fantasised about a relationship with his mother, he pauses in the dialogue and thinks for a long time for answering.
"Yes, probably. But I was a very strong man, probably as strong as my mother, and as a result I was capable to keep my desires under control.
"I became older and that meant that when I went outside I managed to meet other women. I had affairs with a few girls and then a short while later I met Rosemarie."
Asked if his wife, Rosemarie, had anything in common with his mother, he said: "Absolutely nothing. She had nothing in common with my mother – well, perhaps there were a few similarities.
"I mean Rosemarie was also a wonderful woman, is a wonderful woman. She is just a lot more shy and weaker than my mother.
"I chose her because I had a strong desire then to have lots of children. I wanted children that did not grow up like me as single children. I wanted children that always had someone else at their side to play with and to support."
"The dream of a big family was with me from when I was very, very small. And Rosemarie seemed to be the perfect mother to realise that dream. But it is also true to say that I loved her and I still love her."
Asked how it happened that in 1967, after having four children with his wife whom he loved, he had then betrayed her by climbing into a flat and raping a young nurse, he said: "I do not know what drove me to do that."
After 18 months in jail he went back to his wife and had three other children with her. He said: "It's really true I do not know why I did it. I always wanted to be a good husband and a good father."
Small Talks
i am a few days late to find out about this: lately there's this outrageous government proposal to impose restrictions on women traveling alone abroad. check this out, they are proposing that women who intend to travel abroad should obtain a written consent from families or employer before doing so. reason? to curb drug trafficking! uhhh.. let me check the date. yepp its year 2008, i'm not mistaken or hallucinating, am i? why then does it feel like i'm reading news that sounded as if its dated half a century back??? (news source: click here)
and then there's this blogger who runs an independent news site - Malaysia Today, chose to go to jail instead of paying bail after he was accused of sedition for implying that Malaysia's deputy PM might be involved in a murder case (for the complete article, click here). when is my beloved country going to learn that the more they suppress their people - such as discussing about the so-called sensitive issues i.e. politics, religions, races and sex -the more the people will fight to overcome it? do they really think we're still the ignorant village people who had no access to any other source of alternative news and knowledge?
Sometimes i really question the capability of the people who govern our country. anyways. Raja Petra was released from jail and is resting at home now. on a side note, i was reading up on some articles about European Union the other day for my French assignment, and i stumbled upon this website about Republic of Slovenia, who's currently holding the EU's rotating presidency, (no i'm not gonna talk about politics or anything serious/intellectual), and i saw the portraits of all their ministers. you gotta check them out: The Slovenian Government. then compare it to our very own Malaysian cabinet members. now i don't wanna sound discriminating or anything, but don't you think there's a huge difference, whether it's the presentation of the site, portraits taken, or even the looks of the ministers (and i'm not talking about skin color, hairstyle, facial features, fashion sense or pose okay)? i can't put it in words, but somehow the ministers of the former government really looked like they're the cream of the crop in their arena, able to lead and possess a certain kind of assurance in their eyes. i don't know.. it's as if, you can see through the pictures and somehow be convinced of their capability. but the same can't be said of the latter. there's an air of ... sloppiness. as if they're there because they have to be there, and not because they wanna do something great for the country.
maybe it's just my interpretation of the portraits. after all, they're just pictures, and looks are often deceiving. let's hope i'm wrong, and we won't hear more of the ludicrous news such as the travel ban on women for the purpose of curbing drug smuggling. -_- often times i find it hard to convey to people my Malaysian pride, because there are so many core reasons Malaysia used to take pride in and values we treasured that seemed to dissipate into thin air today. either that, or they never really existed and were just fabrications for people to make-believe. what's the point of having one of the tallest buildings when the core is kind of rotten. sighhh. i just hope things will continue to change for the better...
Tuesday, May 06, 2008
Grandfather or Father?
it's things like these that make things complicated. so have you heard? the latest news that caused such a big hoo-hah in Austria. in a small town called amstetten, west of vienna, mr josef fritzl captivated his daughter in the basement dungeon for 24 years since she was 18. and he flippin' raped her for god-knows-how many times, causing her to give birth to 7 babies, one of whom died at birth. father and daughter!!!! how disgusting is that?! i can't imagine myself being in the situation! omg i feel sick now just by thinking bout it. and howwwwwww on earth did she give birth to those kids alone in the dungeon is completely baffling to me.
so i was wondering.. how should the children address mr fritzl? "hi dad" or "hi grandpa"?? maybe it shouldn't be both. maybe it should be simply "f*** off you f**ker you freakin' messed up our lives you shouldn't even deserve to live!" but at this point that's the least of all worries. the mad man's daughter and her 3 children who hadn't seen sunlight for 24 years are having a tough time coping with the real world, the 3 other children that were allowed to live upstairs with the psychotic dad/granddad are doing better i guess. (for more info, google josef fritzl) seee it's people like these who made me think it's legitimate to have experiments carried out on human beings. after all, 1 - they don't deserve to live; 2 - its for the better mankind anyways. they should be honored they can contribute to the society after all the evil they've done; its the least they can do to compensate.
meanwhile, in germany there's another mad woman who was convicted for keeping frozen babies in her basement fridge. and guess what, it's her own babies!!! (click here for news from bbc) What on earth is she thinking? to preserve food for the rainy days just in case she ran out of food? gosh what's wrong with people these days. bizzarre! completely abhorrent! inconceivable!
right now, i'm really really curious about what they have to say for themselves. is there anything to justify their actions??
so i was wondering.. how should the children address mr fritzl? "hi dad" or "hi grandpa"?? maybe it shouldn't be both. maybe it should be simply "f*** off you f**ker you freakin' messed up our lives you shouldn't even deserve to live!" but at this point that's the least of all worries. the mad man's daughter and her 3 children who hadn't seen sunlight for 24 years are having a tough time coping with the real world, the 3 other children that were allowed to live upstairs with the psychotic dad/granddad are doing better i guess. (for more info, google josef fritzl) seee it's people like these who made me think it's legitimate to have experiments carried out on human beings. after all, 1 - they don't deserve to live; 2 - its for the better mankind anyways. they should be honored they can contribute to the society after all the evil they've done; its the least they can do to compensate.
meanwhile, in germany there's another mad woman who was convicted for keeping frozen babies in her basement fridge. and guess what, it's her own babies!!! (click here for news from bbc) What on earth is she thinking? to preserve food for the rainy days just in case she ran out of food? gosh what's wrong with people these days. bizzarre! completely abhorrent! inconceivable!
right now, i'm really really curious about what they have to say for themselves. is there anything to justify their actions??
Friday, May 02, 2008
Lucky Me
Pomona's birds love me so much their poop can't even resist landing on my car. -_-" Seriously! I cleaned the windshield this morning, but by evening there were 3 right on the middle of the front windshield, a few more on the back one, and 2 on my sidedoor window. I looked around to check if there's any on the cars next to me but to no avail. Whyyyyy am I so lucky. If only this luck can be transferred to getting an H1 visa or my MCAT exam in july... :P
Being a science student all my life, it's so hard to look at literature as something more than just leisure read. Can't seem to break down the plays into parts and dissect them as if they were lab rats, think about their isi tersirat and all that. So strange.. hmmm. But strange as it is, I know I'm challenging myself to do something fairly new to me, so it's all good. :)
But having said that I hope I don't have to sacrifice my grades just cuz I wanna challenge myself though.. Good grief, why did Shakespeare have to write something so complicated? Or perhaps he didn't have that intention at all, and it's all the so-called experts examining his works who made them complicated... I mean, I don't see how Romeo is a pansy.. and I really don't think Romeo and Juliet is such a complicated play. Maybe Shakespeare really just woke up one day and felt like writing a parody of love at first sight and the consequences of their hasty decisions made in the name of love. Maybe that's all there is to it!! Why think so much bout it. Why..! Haven't they heard of the proverb 'simplicity is bliss'? ... anyways. I don't even know why I blogged in the first place. its just a bunch of nonsense that I just mentioned. righto, that's all for now.. adios! till the next random post! ;)
Being a science student all my life, it's so hard to look at literature as something more than just leisure read. Can't seem to break down the plays into parts and dissect them as if they were lab rats, think about their isi tersirat and all that. So strange.. hmmm. But strange as it is, I know I'm challenging myself to do something fairly new to me, so it's all good. :)
But having said that I hope I don't have to sacrifice my grades just cuz I wanna challenge myself though.. Good grief, why did Shakespeare have to write something so complicated? Or perhaps he didn't have that intention at all, and it's all the so-called experts examining his works who made them complicated... I mean, I don't see how Romeo is a pansy.. and I really don't think Romeo and Juliet is such a complicated play. Maybe Shakespeare really just woke up one day and felt like writing a parody of love at first sight and the consequences of their hasty decisions made in the name of love. Maybe that's all there is to it!! Why think so much bout it. Why..! Haven't they heard of the proverb 'simplicity is bliss'? ... anyways. I don't even know why I blogged in the first place. its just a bunch of nonsense that I just mentioned. righto, that's all for now.. adios! till the next random post! ;)
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