Downhill

My heart is racing. My liver weeping. Eyebags sagging. My face looks like a pale white sheet. A crumpled pale white sheet. I have not been treating my body well of late. I bet if it can speak its mind, it'll curse me to hell. I am deeply convinced my life has just been shortened a few years. And I think I look like a ghost. So weak, so lifeless, so.. blank. I dunno what I look like anymore. So Deprived. Of sleep.

Been more than a week since I last updated my blog. Because I'd been struggling to write an essay about California. Can't remember when I started writing incoherently (cuz i thought it was cool) that I lost the ability to write a proper essay logically, with a topic sentence for each paragraph. Now incoherent writing doesnt seem so cool anymore. But somehow I got stuck in it. eeeshh. -_-

And because of this essay, I didn't get much sleep for the past 2 days. Well of course, amidst the struggle of producing that essay I did went out a couple of times as well. And handled my visa stuff. Now that it's done, gotta find out bout tickets, ISIC, accomodation, courses I'm going to take this sem, fees, stuff to bring etc. Running out of time I am.

Might be going to work in the labs at my college for free starting next week. Busy busy. But then again... might not too. =P well till then, ciao!

Long Time (cont')

Heh... so where was Ｉ in the last post? Oh yea... Monday. Hmm.. early in the morning went to TPM to check my fees status and stuff. Then met up a friend in Subang. Lunch, then headed to Sg. Wang area... watched Just My Luck. eeeesh.. chick flick. I usually like chick flicks... but not this one. Too exaggerating. Over, man!! Cant do!

Anyway, after movie.. dinner time! haha... another day of continuous eating! 'twas very brain-stimulating when talking to him, though sometimes it can get quite taxing. Feeling like my brain is working all the time.. haha. And most of the time I get so confused I cant even arrange my thoughts properly enough to enunciate it out. Nonetheless, it still is fun. Maybe its cuz all this is so challenging that's why I enjoyed hanging out with him so much. :)

Tuesday 18 July. Nothing much. Bobrok. At home.

Wednesday 19 July, yesterday. Went fishing in the lake. Caught a big big fish and cooked to eat. Hah yea rite. As if I'd go fishing. nah its just bullshit. I went to RedBox with Jet and Ric. so nice! Sang for friggin 6 hours and slightly more! First time in my life I karaoke-d for so many hours in one go!!! Didnt care bout the world when we're there. Anythg else can wait. =) aaahhh I forgot how therapeutic can singing be!! So nostalgic tooo, when singing those songs we used to sing back when we're in Russia (back when I was still in russia...)! Ah well. All is in the past now.

Today! Meeting up Ben and Suhash they all. Now gotta run and handle visa stuff. Ciao, people! Have a nice day!

Long Time

Hehe... been quite a while since I last updated my blog. what to do... busy going out with friends. :P Last Thursday... hmmm think i went out with Phing Sue and Joanne, only Des wasnt around... speaking of which, she didnt call me out when she's here!!! :( so sad... and now she's back to NZ. Oh well... gotta wait for another 2 yrs to see her then. Back to PS and Jo, we met up in Sunway Pyramid. Had lunch and that's it... cuz didnt have much time and I gotta go home.

Friday 14/7. Haha.. super spontaneous day!! Had yong tao fu for lunch with a friend, then went to 1 U to lepak, then met up with the same friend again to have dinner. Supposed to go home by 9pm for yoga class... but couldnt make it on time. Skipped the class. Got scolded by dad... hehe so I didnt wanna go home 1st before i go out for the 2nd round (yeah i had a 2nd round planned)... so i went straight for it instead. Reached home around 11.30pm and prepared to get yelled at and lectured by dad but nothing happened. phew!~~~ lucky me. =)

Saturday 15/7. Another whole day out. Watched Recycle with my chonghwa gang.. the beginning was actually okay, but the ending sucked!! In the middle it got a lil boring... and coming from me who'd get scared even by a small lil puppy.. it says a lot!! So yeah.. dont watch it unless u have no choice. Oooh had TGIF for lunch before the show, then after movie we had a light dessert in House of Paddington's Pancakes (or smthg liddat lah.. cant remember exactly).. had the 5-stack pancakes with ice cream, caramel butter and banana. sweeet! ~ :) See like I always say, the only activity we do together is eat eat and eat. Guess what we did after the round of pancakes? We went for dinner!! 4 dishes with rice. hahahaha... Finally... at around 10 smth we headed to rocky n kenny's house. Relax and chill out there. :) so nice! but of course, needless to say, my dad aint that happy too. but i dint really get scolded for it too. Guess with age, he mellowed...

Sunday stayed at home and relaxed. Helped cook for lunch and dinner, went for facial with mom.

Monday.. hehe spent with a friend.. the whole day! well i gotta go now. will write more next time! ciao!! =) love you guys (whoever's still reading my blog) !!!

Chonghwaians Gathering July 8th, 06

Let the pictures do the talking!



~ Click on the pics you want and go to that site to save it. :)

Mom Not Around

Yesterday mom went to Port Dickson. For work, I think... some conference, not sure. So she'll be gone till Thursday night.

So this morning I had to wake up extra early. 5.45am to be exact. Why? Because my lil precious brother has to go to school and I have to make him breakfast. -.- Dont "awww you're such a sweet sis" me. I mean, I dont mind doing it. But then I dont really have a choice too. And if mom was around, I dont think I'd volunteer to wake up that early every day to make him oats. So I'm not such a sweet sis afterall... -_-

And mom not around also means all the house chores would fall on my shoulders. So tonight I have to cook dinner. mommmyyyyy.... come back quick! My mom, she's such a great woman!!!

Okie dokie. Write more later. =) Good morning!!!

Interesting!

Okay before I go on with what I'm gonna write later, I have to mention my great accomplishment - I drove all the way to ss2 and back!!! Dont look so shocked, it may not be anythg to you, but it was a darn big deal to me okayyyy!! yea yea, Im still trying to get the hang of it... and I have to thank Jet for accompanying me. =)

Right. So now, bout the interesting stuff I wanna tell! This evening on my way back home in the KTM train, I took out a mag - The Economist - from my bag and started reading as usual. In less than a minute after I did that, this cute nerdy looking middle eastern guy sitting next to me took out HIS copy of the mag and gestured towards me! *blur* I looked at him and he pointed at my mag and said, "That's a very very old issue. Why are you still reading it??" I was caught off guard. So, blinking, I sceptically flipped to the front cover and checked. Turned out I was reading the February issue of that mag, and the one he's holding is of June issue. Aaaah so that's what this was all about. Being polite, of course I had to answer rite. "Uh, ohh, cuz it's lying in the house so I just picked it up and brought it along," I replied. "Do you want my copy? It's much newer!" he offered. My reflex action was a smile and "no thanks" of course, cuz I was brought up to not simply receive things from strangers (though I dont see how the mag can harm me at tht time). But it was nice of him to offer, eh?! =)

Back at home, my 2 bros told me their part of interesting stuff. See, me and Kan Lun we stayed up to watch the World Cup Finals. So by the time we hit the bed, it was 5++ am. Kan Lun wouldn't get up till afternoon, and so he thought I'd do the same. But I didnt, I woke up at 9am cuz I had to get to college and get some stuff done. Didnt managed to let him know, and I left in a hurry. The funny part was, at 5++pm in the evening, not knowing I left the house and havent returned home yet he asked my lil bro, what's wrong with me... been sleeping till then and still wasn't up yet?! So he asked the lil boy to check. That lil boy, he didnt even try opening my door and he told his bro that "oh I think je's door is locked so maybe she really is sleeping"!! An hour later, both of them came up to knock on my door and opened the door, only to be greeted by silence and an empty room. Then only it hit them that perhaps I went out. -_-"

Well! Those were something out of the mundane routine, wasn't it.?! :)

Button-Pushers

Have you ever met people who just dont have a problem pushing your buttons? I call the button Flaming Button. Not even so much of lifting a finger, these people effortlessly do or say something to make you feel horribly agitated, blood rushing straight up to the head, sometimes it'd make you so boiled you react by acting unusually childish or do/say something you might regret later. Sounds familiar eh? Everyone has their own button-pushers. Could be family members at home; could be colleauges at work; could be your employer; could be friends.

Inevitably, I have my button pushers too, and so far I've come across two - one my lil bro, the other a friend. (See, I dont even know why I'm writing it here. Guess it's part of my childish reaction towards my brother's attitude.) Really didnt wanna fret over stuff that happened, and I really wasn't so pissed off already, but still. I just wanna vent. :P That unappreciative little thing!!!!! For a second there, I just wanna reach out and hit him real hard! Or strangle him. Lucky my conscious state of mind was clear and rational then, and I know I'd only be torturing myself with all the anger bottled up inside me. No point. Aaaaahh and as I take a deep breath telling myself All is Good, I felt so much better now. =)

Blame it on the stars, the constellation signs. The time and date of birth of ours that caused us to just not able to get along. Sure, I can do that! Me and Virgo ppl, never get along. But nah, not gonna blame it on those cosmic stuff. I think it's more of the personality shaped long ago back when we were 5 yrs of age. Arggh. I wish there was a morality boot camp that I can send that lil hair-wrenching ball of frustration to!!

That's when you know...

There are people whom you try to keep in touch
You go the distance to find ways to do so
You try your very best and show your sincerity
But none of the above touches them
You're brushed off like a speck of dust
That's when you know, some friends are not worth the effort

There are friends whom you care so much
You're worried sick if they'd be fine
It hurts to you see, they're hurting themselves
And you wonder what you can do to help
Only to realize, there's only this much you can do
The rest is really up to them
That's when you know, the meaning to the word 'incapacitated'

There are times when you're thinking so much
You can't really spell out what's bothering you
You're so lost you cant even remember what triggered you to think in the 1st place
Or that perhaps you just refuse to admit the problem
Either way thoughts are all jumbled into one big entangled furball
That's when you know, it's time to 'shut down' and go to bed

Lyrics of a song (translated)

in this unnamed place with the blossomed flower of impulse
a quiet beginning is told
the goals of your youth seeks after a definite heat
it'll release a signal into the sky

with the repeating days to my back
im looking for the moment to spread my wings
even if it's a lonely hope

i wanna go to an unknown world
passing all my limits
with this dream pouring out of my entire body
like a brilliant morning sun that lights a new world
carrying the feelings born from a brilliant light in your chest

Going Back to Last Wed..

Have I mentioned I met up with some of my friends who came back from Russia? Last wednesday, i met up with joanne, buai cher, jen ping, stacy, richard and peng ta in sunway pyramid! Though i had to walk under the hot scorching sun and take train all the way, it was definitely worth it! It's been sooooo long since I last saw them!!

Peng Ta picked me up from KL central station and then we drove to pyramid. Had lunch, and then 7 of us packed into his volvo and went all the way to one utama!! it was so funny cuz everyone's giving directions, talking shouting in the car, making the atmosphere so tense yet hilarious. Everyone had the exaggerated expression for fear of taking the wrong turn! Anywayz, hanged out in one-U for a while, PT and Ric bought durians and we went to Kluang Station for a cuppa coffee. =)

Talked, gossiped, u know the usual... and then we ate the durians there!! for the first time in my life i actually ate one willingly! haha!! congrats to myself! finally i can tell ppl i DO eat durians! But of course, it still wont be one of my fav fruits anyhow. Joseph came and met us there later, then we proceeded to Manjalara for steamboat - the place where I had steamboat with Chun Yie on that rainy day! :) So nice..!!

That was the night when jean called and told me bout the lab reports, which made me realize I had 2 more to do that i've completely forgotten bout!! Results was with Chean and she went clubbing so we couldn't do. So we decided we'd ask mr kong to allow us to hand it in after we came back from camp. Fortunately he was nice enough to do so. whew!! Neways...that was how I spent my day! :)

Ecstatic

Helloz! Im back from the camp! Had great fun, 'twas an experience very new to me, and i have new things to ponder. But the greatest part of it is that I met so many new friends! Still in quite a rhapsodic mood right now. heh!

So lets see. Erm, we learned how to meditate, there was a yoga session, a personality test, talks that taught us ways to face life itself. It's not something new to me, but it serves as a reminder to me that knowing it is not enough; rather, what's more important is whether you really put it into use. I guess I loved this experience a lot cuz my principles in life fits very well with what they teach there. Though I still have doubts here and there about religion and stuff, it didnt cause me to enjoy it less; and I guess I can always learn more bout my doubts through reading and talking to people involved.

Unlike other camps I've been to, these people I met are very pleasant to be with (well most of them anyway), and they're all ardent and passionate, it's just good to be around people like these you know. Unlike camps that have a group of participants waiting to be inspired and motivated, I felt the people here are already inspired and motivated and they just need a push to go out there and inspire other people! Which made me realize, I dont wanna go around searching for inspiration or motivation anymore, in fact I wanna be the one who inspires others. I wanna help people, I wanna do smthg good, I wanna be someone, and I dont wanna just think bout it I wanna make it come true.

Sometimes I wonder, all this self-motivation talk that I typed out here, will it ever come true. What if none ever did and people around me use this and laugh at me in the future, calling me names and dissed me as one of the NATO (no action talk only) members. Am I not putting myself in danger by being so ambitious and writing in my blog? Maybe I should take my words back and just keep 'em to myself until I actually managed to achieve them. Safer, in the sense that my ego wont get bruised in case I dont achieve any of it. But then again. If that's the case, maybe i'm just looking for an excuse; an easier way out. Maybe I didnt really mean what I just said afterall, if I'd already thought that I wouldnt achieve those dreams.

Anyway, I've said it and I dont wanna take it back. Which only means, I couldn't afford to not attain any of those visions. If I really didnt, then I guess I'd just have to seek for a permanent hide-out place where no one knows me and I dont have to face anyone who'd remind me of the embarassment and my bruised ego. Maybe change my name and be someone else and live another life. But there's no point worrying bout it now, ay?! Just do what I can now is good enough, is it not.

Righto, will write again after I finish my lab report! ciao~!

Story of the Crow

Lemme tell ya a story that happened last wednesday... :)

So on the june 28 (wed) morning I woke up extra early... well earlier than usual at least... at about 8am. Finished chores at around 10.45am. So as I was happily enjoying my Honey Stars with milk, feeling extra energetic, I heard sounds outside so I rushed to the door and take a look. Turned out this huge crow was sitting on the clothes-hanger (or whatever it's called..you get it), trying to grab a red new hanger with its beak! It was soooo gigantic I actually had a scare by just standing 8 feet away from it. (Then again that's normal for a animaliaphobic person like me!)

Anyway, I opened the door and shooed it away. Went back to my Honey Stars, thinking that everything is back to normal, the same stupid sound appeared again, in less than 2 minutes. Deep down I'm cursing... for making me confront a crow, which would make me look stupid cuz I'll be a laughing stalk for being afraid of a bird!! I shooed it away again; but as I did, I thought, this poor crow must be looking for something to build its nest (i've seen birdnests with a hanger before). So I couldn't help wanting to do something for poor Mr. Crow. Guess what I did?

Thought I'd offer Mr. Crow an old slightly-broken blue plastic hanger and hanged it where it was sitting just now and took all the others to the bottom-most hanging line. But Mr. Crow was smart! He didnt come back for it anymore... maybe cuz it was old, broken and slightly rusty at the tip. I was really amused by it!! Impressive!!! :P

Anyway, tht wasn't the main point of the story. The night before my mom asked me to take a cloth in and keep it in the kitchen drawer. A while after the crow-incident, I saw the cloth on the floor cuz of the breeze and made a mental note to pick it up before the crow did. Not sure if I did, but sorta forgot everythg bout it. Till in the afternoon around 5pm, I suddenly recalled of that cloth and panicked! Did i bring it in or the crow took it? Went out to check and it wasn't there anymore!

Straight away I made a conclusion that Mr. Smarty-Crow took it for its nest! Cuz the cloth is used to clean the altar, I was pretty annoyed at myself for being so forgetful. And so when mom came home I told her all bout it and how the Mr. Smarty-Crow wanted to take revenge and took the cloth away! I was so convinced that when I told my mom I thought I sounded very animated anyone would've believed me right away even if the story was a bit illogical. But while I was saying it, my own sense of logic hit me and for a millisecond there I had a slight doubt. So I decided to check the pile of clothes that I collected in.

Oooops!! I was wrong afterall. The cloth is just sitting right there! The crow aint that smart afterall... Then I realized how stupid I am, to think that the crow was smart enough to choose the hanger and to wanna take revenge! Dumb! And I call myself a college student. Which college student in their right mind would think of it that way?!! Nonetheless, we all had a terribly good laugh bout this!

Moral of the lesson: Sometimes imagination can impair our judgment. Having an idea in the head bout smthg that might happen a certain way before anything actually happens might sway our rational thinking, and it'd blind us from the whole picture or the truth itself. So never make any conclusion before knowing the whole situation clearly. Oh and of course, the crow's persistence is to be admired too, eh? :P

So nice, a crow taught me 2 lessons that day. heh.